I’ve been sharing my story about how the heck I got pregnant. Some people have sex

and BAM! They’re pregnant! Others spend more time energy money than I could

even imagine and it still doesn’t work. I’m somewhere in the middle. My hopes

in telling this story is that, whether or not you have any interest in having children,

that my struggle will in some way inspire you to go after your dreams!!

 

We are up to where I’ve just completed my first ever IVF cycle. If you’re just joining

us now, go to http://mirzukfitness.com/blog/ to catch up.

 

I stayed home for a week on bed rest after the embryo transfer. About then is

when you go in for your blood test. My period, if it were to come, should have

already done so by that point, and I’m usually spot on (haha! so funny), so I

was absolutely positive I was pregnant.

 

I mean, c’mon- how could I NOT be??? They took my best eggs, put them with

the best sperm, came up with 4 embryos and put them all in there! I imagined

myself as already pregnant, because- technically- there were 4 living embryos

inside me. So I was pregnant then, according to me.

 

And I happily went back to the Dr’s office for my blood test. Which came back

negative. Say wha?! I was sure it was a mistake. I hadn’t gotten my period, so

I figured they had screwed something up.

 

The next day, I got my period. How RUDE is that?! How is it even possible?

That was around June 20th, and I was devastated. I felt like “Oh no- I’ve

waited too long, trying to find the right man, and now I won’t be able to have

a child!” That thought was an unpleasant recurring theme.

 

Meanwhile, I was noticing an icky side effect of my struggles. I started to avoid

my friends who were pregnant or who had small children. I found that I would

have to leave their presence so that I could go cry somewhere.  And  I was starting

to develop mean nasty jealous feelings. Not just at friends, but at random women

on the street. Especially the ones with more than one child. Thoughts like “What makes

her so special, she can have all those kids and I can’t even create one!” Things like that.

Along the lines of “I hate her” and “what’s wrong with me?”

All kinds of crazy, mean, jealous thoughts. None of them useful whatsoever.

 

I understood at the time that this was common, but at the same time, it was disturbing

to hear these thoughts go on in my head. I just tried to avoid any situation that would

bring that stuff up, and thus didn’t see or speak to a lot of my friends for far too long. It

wasn’t the right way to go about it. I eventually spoke to one friend about it, and to my

surprise she understood. I did end up going over to her house and I held her 6 month

old son for half the day. That one worked out all right in the end, but notice it was 6 months

before I made the effort to meet the little guy and repair the damage to my relationship

with my friend. Too long, and I am lucky it all worked out.

 

I felt horrible and basically broken, and that’s part of what made me jump right back on the IVF wagon so

quickly. We had to wait a month to restart the IVF process, because in this Dr’s office, you

have to make an appointment to meet with the doc again to re-evaluate your situation and

decide on how best to move forward.

 

We started our 2nd IVF cycle at the end of July, 2011 with the same Dr’s office. Like I’ve

said before, the office was really inefficient (did I tell you about the time I came in for my

appointment and they said “Oh didn’t someone call you? The dr won’t be in for another

2 hours”, and I ended up waiting FOUR HOURS?!?!!!!), but we liked the Dr. We just kept

telling ourselves that all of the office quirks were just quirks and that this time would be

different.

 

This time around was much easier- I was used to giving myself shots (another chance for

me to point out that if I could train myself to stick needles in my legs and stomach, that

ANYONE can train themselves to do ANYTHING!). I learned how to work the Dr’s schedule

into my schedule more easily by suggesting a different time or a different day for my appts

instead of just accepting what they offered me. It was a much smoother ride. I don’t even

remember any specific office quirks. I was getting good at IVF.

 

Did the whole thing: shots, appointments, sub out my classes just barely in time, egg

retrieval, embryo transfer, and then I’m home in bed for another week. I really like those

staycations.

 

So what happened? IT DIDN’T WORK!! IVF cycle #2 DID NOT WORK!! I was getting

desperate!! We made an appointment to go back in to see the Dr to evaluate our #3 try

and he told us point blank “Your eggs are too old. This isn’t going to work.”

 

And something in me shifted gears somehow.

 

Stay tuned…

 

Your Fitness Coach,

Miranda Zukowski