Phase 2 starts a new ‘era’. A whole new mindset and experience. Up
until this point, I had only thought I wanted to have children and had
done what I felt I had to do to make it happen. Now, I
learned that I KNEW this was the path for me.
If you missed some of this story and want to catch up, you can go
to my blog page and fill in the gaps: http://mirzukfitness.com/blog/
December of 2009. I came back to NYC from a lovely Christmas with
my family. Still no period, but for some reason I would NOT take a
pregnancy test. As I’ve said before, I’ve had symptoms of pregnancy
before, and have taken the tests after a week or so only to have them
be negative. So I figured I would live in my blissful notknowingness
for as long as I could stand it. I spent New Year’s with Ron and on
New Year’s Day of 2010 we drove to a strip mall close to his house
where there is a Walgreens close to a Starbucks. So I went into
the Walgreens, bought the test, walked over to the Starbucks, TOOK
the test (even as someone was knocking on the door to hurry me up).
Somehow managed to get the thing back to the car because I didn’t want
to look at it, and then the 2 of us looked at it together, and sure enough-
that test was POSITIVE! I was overcome with emotion, I don’t even know
what happened. Meltdown of happiness and disbelief. This was the first
time I really KNEW that this is exactly what I wanted. I was so happy! It felt
Called my parents to tell them, and just began existing in this blissful state.
I was already nauseous, but I didn’t care. I was so happy!! I was drinking
ginger ale and eating saltines and felt like crap, but I was SO HAPPY!! Just
this unexplainable blissfulness that filled my being. Permanent smile glued
to my face.
I had actually already started to gain weight before I took the test, mostly in
my chest, and that was kind of fun, and funny, to me. Just amusing to watch
those things grow. And I had this craving for philly cheese steak sandwiches.
I probably gave into that craving once a week.
It was early, so we didn’t want to get too excited or tell too many people or make
too many plans. But it’s so HARD to contain all of your excitement and nausea,
and sometimes people just guess. It’s just close to impossible to not get excited.
You want to tell everyone and yet you know you shouldn’t. That bad things happen
and you can’t get too attached too soon.
So I focused on having fun teaching at Equinox. I was still pretty new there, only
been teaching for them for about 4 months, with only one permanent class on the schedule.
I was subbing a lot and trying to get my footing with them, so that was a fun challenge
that kept me occupied.
I made my first dr.’s appointment with the ob, but they couldn’t fit me in until I
was about 7 weeks along. That’s ok, I was so happy, I just took what I could get.
I went in and they didn’t seem worried about anything, they see new pregnant
women everyday. They put me into their system and gave me all they needed to
give me, along with a blood test, and sent me on my way. They told me to make an
appointment with a specialist for an ultrasound at the hospital so I did that, and I
got in at 10 weeks.
Ron went with me for that one. We were so excited and didn’t know what to expect.
We certainly did not foresee what actually happened.
We got in the ultrasound room and the nurse was looking at the screen and not at me.
She was quiet for a moment and then said “Go ahead and get dressed and someone will
speak with you”. Alrighty then Miss Pokerface. I may not know much about being
pregnant, but I know when there’s some bullshit going on and I immediately went numb.
Ron & I did not speak.
We waited for the next person to come along, and she told us
that our baby had no heart beat. Looked like it had stopped developing at 8 weeks, and here
we were technically at 10 weeks. It’s almost rude, right? I felt as if MY heart had stopped
beating. Why didn’t they give me an ultrasound right away? How could it be
dead inside of me for 2 weeks without me knowing?
It never even occurred to me that that could happen. I thought a miscarriage was, well,
something different. I started to cry and she handed me, wait for it…. a paper towel. Hmmm.
I did not like her.
Another thing, my body was still acting like it was pregnant. We actually went out to eat.
I couldn’t believe I could eat or even that I wanted to or that my breasts were still sore or
that I still had a number of other symptoms. Didn’t my body know anything? I felt so
betrayed and the whole ordeal was just RUDE! We sat in the park and stared off into space
in between saying the same thing over and over again which amounted to “I can’t
The next day we had to go back to the ob to decide what to do next. The choices are
interesting. I’ll tell you all about it in the next post. Honestly, I have to stop writing this
and focus on the little life that’s in here right now.
Take care of yourselves and those that you love!
Your Fitness Coach,