I’m sharing my story in the hopes that it can help

you in some way.

Many women share similar stories or are heading

down similar paths. My goal is to offer them support

and comfort on their journeys.

 

I knew from a very young age that I wanted to have

children. I am just wired that way, and I accepted

it as part of my being-ness. I wasn’t ‘ready’ though,

whatever that means, until I was about 34. At the time,

I had this boyfriend who was definitely NOT ready, but

he kept stringing me along, saying that we would make

this all happen. When I was 35, he found someone else

to jump over to- a younger girl without the same demands

as me, and finally admitted that he did not want

children. I felt like he had wasted my time, although it was

ultimately my responsibility, as I could

have dumped him earlier.

 

I heard ‘tick tock tick tock’ repeating

over and over in my head, along with the accompanying

feeling of ‘It’s not fair!’. How many women feel that

biological clock mocking them and time seems to slip

through their fingers? It certainly does not seem fair.

And you do have to act while the iron is hot if you

want to give birth to a child. Fair or not, it’s just the way it is.

 

Which is what lead to my next seemingly wacky decision.

Some more time passed, and I had turned into that person

who was looking for a suitable mate to be a father (a role I did

not enjoy playing), I felt like I was wearing a sign “Oh there’s

that 30 something woman who’s

desperate to have kids and will settle for anything”.

 

I felt my 37th birthday weighing on me and I decided that I was sick of searching

for the daddy. I was going to do this by myself. It was crazy, but I

figured it comes down to “do I want this, or not? If I do, I need to act now,

regardless of my situation” . So I found a reproductive

doctor, and told him I wanted to have a baby and asked what my

best option was. He advised me to do an IUI cycle, and I agreed.

 

IUI stands for intrauterine insemination. So basically, I pick the

sperm, it gets shipped to the doctors office and whammo! It’s done!

Although it’s not that easy. The doctor controls the whole cycle

from start to finish, which means lots of tests, drugs, and bloodwork. It

feels like you live at the dr.’s office. Little did I know at the time that

that was nothing compared to what I was eventually in for.

 

Something interesting happened around this time. Very unexpected.

I had given up on finding a ‘suitable man’, and had decided there

was no such thing. I was just about to start this iui cycle when Ron

and I went on our first date. He made a huge effort to drive into NYC from

Jersey to get me and take me and Claire the wonder dog, down the shore

for the day. We had a great time, but I was very wary of him.

 

On the second date he took me to meet his family! It was Easter 2009, and

the whole situation was just completely bizarre. It was just the 2nd date! So,

I decided that the best way to move forward was to be honest and throw my

cards out on the table and tell him what I was up to. Seemed fair. I totally

expected him to be nice about it and then never call again.

 

He seemed so thrilled that I told him. I think he perceived it as ‘ballsy’. The

fact that I was doing this, and also the fact that I told him flat out. So we kept

dating. He stuck with me through the entire cycle. He gave me my final HCG

shot (the drug that makes the egg drop) the day before the procedure. I remember

we had a date that night. We had taken a yoga class together and then walked around

in Central Park where he gave me the shot. Haha- we must’ve looked like crazy

druggie needle people (yes, I disposed of it properly). We were both terrified of the

‘shot’ and it hurt like hell!! Again, foreshadowing for the future…

After that he took me out to dinner. It was a great and very memorable night.

 

He even came with me to the actual procedure and sat in the waiting room.

It was like he was playing the Daddy role, but I hadn’t asked him to and

definitely didn’t expect him to. Seemed like once I had stopped trying so hard,

this relationship just sort of materialized out of nowhere.

I had loosened the reigns and allowed something good to come

into my life.

 

I’ll fill you in next week on the outcome of the procedure.

Til then- be true to yourself!!

 

Your Fitness Coach,

Miranda