I’m kicking off here where I left off in the last post. If you didn’t read it and you
want to catch up, go to http://mirzukfitness.com/blog/ and click on the post you
I completed the IUI cycle as mentioned in the last post. My reasoning was-
if I’m going to get pregnant, I need to do it NOW- regardless of my single status
and monetary situation. Break it down as simply as possible. You can “What If”
yourself to death, and nothing gets done that way.
As far as ego goes, it really didn’t occur to me that it might not work. I guess
you could perceive that as a positive outlook? Or naive. Whatever, it’s how I
thought. I figured, I had never really tried before, and with all the drugs for
the priming of the eggs (there were like 7!) and the closely watched timing
and the expensive Super Sperm, how could it not work? Plus I was healthy
& fit. So what could go wrong? My period is always on time, and so when
it didn’t come when it was supposed to after the cycle, I was sure it had worked.
I started to get all excited, and then a week later, I got my period. I felt like God
had tricked me. I can’t even express it in words. Got my hopes all up and then
dropped down hard on my ass. What’s up with the week late period? Now,
looking back, I believe that it did work, and just didn’t hold.
I started to feel like a failure. Yes it was only one attempt and it was my first,
but I was not familiar with the feeling, and I am not sure you get used to it.
I had assumed that with my health & fitness levels that I would have no
trouble at all conceiving a child. Especially with all that help! This belief
was confirmed by my friends, who also figured I’d have no trouble because
I was so ‘healthy’. The truth is, you really don’t know. You can’t assume that
because you live a certain way that all the reproductive ducks (or any ducks)
will line up in a row. You can do your best, but you just don’t know. You never know. And
that lesson was hard for me. If I was arrogant, this experience definitely burst
my bubble. In a big way.
Not only was my ego destroyed, but my bank account was demolished also.
I wanted to of course try again, but my money was GONE. The bill for the failed
IUI cycle was so over my head that if I paid it, I couldn’t pay my rent. So, I moved
into a teeny tiny room in an apt with a few friends and rented out my apartment
for 3 months to pay it off. It was really crazy,
like being back in college.
The good that came from all of this is that Ron & I stayed together, and we
got some time to get to know each other better and develop our relationship.
I also had a great time living in that tiny room, and became great friends
with my new roomies and we are still close. Not only that, but
I was humbled by the whole experience and that started to open my
mind a little more.
Despite the mess it seems I would have been in if it had worked, I still
believe that it was the right decision to go through with it. You must
decide what you want and do everything in your power to get it. That’s
what I did. I’m not sure if everything happens for a reason, but from
my standpoint today, it sure does look like it.
I did the best I could do at that point in time. I knew what I wanted
and I did what was in my power to get it. It didn’t work and that was
devastating, but that’s ok because I did what was in my power to do.
There are no guarantees, and you can try your hardest and still not
know what the outcome is going to be. But if you don’t try at all,
you know exactly what the outcome will be.
Anyway, I still wanted to have a child so I started to figure out how to
move forward. I’ll tell you the next part of this whole crazy adventure
Can you relate to any of this? Please share your comments.
Your Fitness Coach,